dont you remember?

currently hearing and singing my heart out
yes, im asking you
dont you remember the reason you loved me before?
its words that matter
but you throw all that words to me,
i will never stay quietly still
i would always fight back
i didnt mean for what ive said
i dont know whether you meant yours
i hope not
i just want you to remember back
why did you love
coz now, it seems like you and me are getting out of love
i miss you, i miss us
but i just couldnt stand it when you throw that words to me
is this the way how you want me to be away from you?
coz if it is, i will be gladly to help you to chase me away
just like the song,
the more i try the less i know
i dont know you anymore
all i know is that i can never say anything
everything i say become thorns in your heart
should i just be quiet?
what do you want of me?
why wouldnt you tell me?
are reading this all this while?
if you do, why didnt you understand?
it is raining in and outside my heart...
i need you to speak your heart..
so that i could understand better







gemil..

EXTREMELY MAD

lately, i have been very busy.
with finals are coming up,
feels like i dont have enough hands and brain
this entry is about a girl i know in my class
she seems very kind and polite
religious and calm
very quiet and she is a petite person
but after knowing her for almost 4 years,
now i have come to the poimt where i cannot tolerate with her
her appearance is just a mask of hypocracy
shes hiding behind the layer of a true muslimah
i really hate it that way
the time i wrote this is the time after our bad bad hotel management presentation
her presentation sucked..
either she is bodoh sombong, dahla bodoh and sombong pulak tu tak nak tanya
or die sombong sangat sampai jadi bodoh
before this,on the colloquium day
unfornately i was the working committee at the section where she supposed to present
ntah dari mana datangnye, dia sakit perut on that day
the thing is, who would believe you if everytime you have a presentation you fell sick
kalau itu tanda depression pun, sema hasil keje perempuan ni macam sial..
oopppsss..memang sial....
ok fine, at the moment i asked my friend to tell her that she wont be getting any marks if shes not presenting,
kelam kabut pulak nak suruh org lain tanyakan untuk dia session presentation mana dia boleh masuk
kepala hotak ko,sebelum tuberjuta2 phone call dari kawan2 and texts ko tak reti nak reply?
we have arranged the most beautiful tentatives for the last 6 weeks
suka2 hati kau je nak masuk presentation session mana
ok, takpe
kau present jugak kan...and what had happened?
kaula presenter paling bagus dalam colloquium tu kan
sampai lecturer yeng sangat baik and bagus in the department have told her that her presentation was rubbish
aku tak ada waktu tu, coz aku present kat session and venue lain
now i know knp Dr K(bukan nama sebenar) said that yours is rubbish
memang sampah macam perangai kau yang kuat menyampai nyampai kan tuh
i know that she doesn have a father,
tapi kalau nak berbapak angkat pun tak perlulah sampai kau duduk dalam kalangan lecturer and tak campur dgn ktorg
nak berkepit je jantan bersongkok hipokrit tu?
kau nak tunjuk kau hot la yg lecturer suke kau?head over heels for you?
harap je nama baru naik haji
i am very embarrased in front of my chinese friends,
they even know that the malays are full of courtesy
when they told me about the story, and even asked me about it
i feel so embarrased
i know that i am not a good muslimah
i am just an average
at least aku elakkan pekara yang buat aku nampak buruk di pandangan mata kawan2 aku
i just hope that, one day she will brave enough to demolish her hypocracy
i respect religious people, i truly do
tapi kalau ada orang mencemarkan mcam perempuan tu buat, im sorry, i cannot hold it
tolonglah berhenti berpura-pura
even though we couldnt find out what your dishonedty is, but we sure know that you are being one of it.
tolonglah, menyampahla wey

its the convo season..yet the happiness brings me a lot more tears..
i just hope that once he reads this, he realizes that its the day
after i asked him to consider our relationship..this blog is his...
until now i dont really know quite right whether im allowed to post
as many entry here..screw that! this is just a medium for me to get
in touch with his numb heart. i am currently reconsidering....lately
the relationship gets tougher than i thought its supposed to..im too
embarrassed to tell a real story, thats why ive improvised..its not my fault
when the other him contacted me.. he has always been supportive, showing
how much the past didnt matter at all.. but him?he cant let go of the past..
i did, but he didnt..i know that ive done wrong..if only he could treat
me a lil better, this thing wont happen...hes always putting the blame on
me..and im getting fed up of that... i dont feel loved anymore..hes just very
busy not talking to me..instead of talking to me, really look at me when im beside
him, he talked to someone else..i have no problem confessing that i love him in
front of many people..in fact, ive done that..but him?he is just as numb as he used to.
even though i said im reconsidering, but deep down in my heart i still love him..
i wanted to be with him, now and in the future..i thot he knew..but i now i dont think
he do..his brain is as numb as his heart..froze to keep everything inside..letting no
one to enter including me...i have no access to his heart,but he has to mine..i just
needed him to speak up..so that i would understand..i hope i would..at least ill try..








lost gemil

A day away

Relationship..i used to hold no thoughts about
Thought it would give nothing but happiness
It was u who taught me to keep things to myself....................................................................................
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,
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Ramadhan

Hari ni hari ke 10 Ramadhan...hehehehehe...tp dlm 10 hari tu...3 hari gemil demam..tapi tak tawla kenapa..dalam pening2 kepala...tido je laa....

so sekarang pun pening lagi..the thing is...gemil suka baca blog org lain..syok..tp blog sendiri(bukan gemil punyer pun) malas giler nak tulis..tak syok je pon blogging ni..its like a 1 way communication...hahahahaha..maybe akan berubah wajah kot...

Actually......

Actually i have so much things in my mind that i wanted to shout them out loud...its just that i choose to not to...these few weeks,it has been up and down...and so does love...for the moment when im writing this particular piece,at the very specific time...love is something that is very bothersome...it used to be something that is very exciting and interesting...somehow someway,now it has lost its very own charm and not to mention direction...i know that i am not a very good person to be with...i forgot bithdates, anniversaries and many other important things...but i have never forget the persons i love...i may seem like a person whom is full with myself...the truth is im not...im the kind that is very content when people are there around me...content when laughter echoes across the air...but now...at this very moment...being alone is like breathing a fresh air in the middle of a metropolitan..it feels very relief be around with my own thoughts and feelings...really hope that gomol will understand this...i really need to explain it to u...but everytime i do,ur emotion jumps up and down frantically without even digesting the true words that im gonna say...it bores me so much...i love my companions..no matter guys or girls..bur u dont seem to understand..ive drawn the line between friends and lovers...still,u dont seem to understand it either..it makes me sick...sick to my stomach...so sick that i need to be with my own thoughts...y cant u understand???y cant u accept??the way i see it,u cant accept me for the way i am...now im doing u a favor...i do the same thing to you...same thing how u cant accept me totally...and u blame me for all of that...it is very unfair...sometimes,i wonder is this true differences between us really compliment our relationship??sometimes its not...like now...like always..may be we need to find our own solution...i know that u may be reading this anyway..but this is better than saying it straight to your face...coz ur fragile individualistic cannot handle the aggressive mine...sorry..just sorry....







~gemil~

aweful

this week has been awful...it started with an accident..my finger is swollen up until now...and today,i was really stressful at work...really...it is not unfair to be treated this way..y it has supposed to be this way???i know that it is our fault, but one thing i noticed that its not ours...totally....
oh heart....sorry for crying very sadly...i just cant bear it at that moment...sorry heart,for putting you in such circumstances..


sorry heart


~gemil~

HAHAHA

hari ni gemil siap cun2 sebab nak pergi date dgn gomol..lama da tak date..hihihihi...lamanya tunggu gomol ni...lapar suda...



~gemil~

gilo

OK....today is Sunday already..esok dah Isnin balik...dan bermulalah rutin bosan sebagai seorang dewasa...masuk kerja pukul 9,habis pukul 6..itupun kalau kerja dah siap...
ok,terus kepada point...this week is the week where faiz(geng 2 tayar yg sdg intern kat spore)spends time with us here..dia target,once in a month,dia akan turun Serdang..just to neutralize his inner self..hahahha..tension la tu...last month,when he came,i didnt join them coz i was at my hometown with my lovely galz...kak ya kawen kan...tp kali ni,joinla...hehehe..memang syok..as usual,mulakan harimu dengan sarapanlah..makan makan dan makan hari diteruskan lagi dengan aktiviti mencuci moto.ok,moto gemil kaler putih...da dekat stengah tahun kot tak basuh,biasa basuh dgn air hujan je..wahahahaha...bila dah stengah tahun tak bsauh tu,faham-faham jela..dari putih,the colour transformed to cream..hahaha,bwek,,kotor...but now,ia dah kembali ke warna biasa ye tuan-tuan dan puan-puan...

.................wargh--->menguap jap
ngantukla..nanti sambungla ek..hihiihi




~gemil~

....

gomol n gemil are currently working on IFLA competition...tooo hard too do...to weak to leave...


~gemil~

W A H ! ! !

waaa.....lama gila gemil tak uploadkan blog ni..hahaha(poyos..tade org bace pun)
so,for starters i wanted to tell some stories of my current condition...
now, undergoing internship training which is unbelievably hard...----->sigh
kadang2 balik office malam sebab ada submission...
hari ni??bangum awal dan dapatla bertenet..hahaha..lama gila tak bukak FB smpai nak post komen pun tak reti...
outdated betol gemil..hahahaha
3 minggu lepas...kami pergi KLIA,menghantar mereka(3 org geng 2 tayar) untuk berlepas ke Indonesia..
what for??internship training la...pe lagi...aku kat Malaysia yang tercinta je...
tapi takpe ..its alright..we still can learn something new whether we are abroad or not..
bila dah bersaman tu terasa sebak di hati...tak tahu kenapa..tapi sebak...SANGAT.. T~T

dah..maleh nak cerita...so 7 Mac hari tu bermulala hidup sebagai orang yang berpakaian kemas tiap-tiap hari...hidup dalam keterpaksaan untuk menggosok pakaian hari-hari...dan waktu balik yang tak menetu hari-hari...
haih..syoknya student life...
di sini ingin dimaklumkan kepada semua bahawa bidang ARCHITECTURE sangatla memerlukan komitmen yang sangat tinggi..takat nak balik office pukul 8 malam tu..harap anda mencubitlah diri anda untuk sedar bahawa itu adalah mimpi semata-mata..hahahahha
TAPI..gemil tak kerja di architecture firm..tapikerja di LANDSCAPE ARCHITECTURE(LA) firm...lebih kurang je...archi firm lebih sibuk...LA firm kurang sikit je sibuk die..tapi tak bolehla nak banding dengn firm lain kan...sudah tentunya sangat-sangatlah berbeza...

oh yea..last week saye kena bekerja di hari minggu..kerja sabtu...ahad pulak attend wedding my closest friend's sis at my hometown...i grabbed this chance to go back there where memories are remained unfold..such a nice weekend...exhausting though..but still..i just really love you gals..truly...

dah..asyik membebel...je

ikut turutan

bye2 Malaysia...Hello BOGOR!!!heehhehe

dinner hari jumaat

kami boria flower gals...busana ditajakan khas oleh Kak Ya...thanx k.ya XD


mcm2...mcm gamba kelas pun ade...nila antara yang hadir


p/s..tak taw kenapa gamba faiz tak dpt detect..haish

neither high up sky...nor down deep in ground

its rare for me to stay up late
i alway have a nice day
use up all the energy i have
and laugh it off throughout the day
and sleep very soundly at night

but its just not tonight
not tonight
not today
eating up chocolate bar
just to make me feel good

i have to apologize
im sorry that i've lost the interest
i always know that i cant do it well
you have always been much much better than me
im sorry i didnt support you as much as u expected
its just because i cant seem to support my own self

im sorry,im just so sorry



~gemil~

sate ikan ikan

banyak yang gemil nak share dalam entry kali ni(pdhal mane ada orang baca pun,poyo je post..hahaha)perlu ke tak ek nak post??dahla bukan blog gemil..hahaha..blog ni gomol yg punya..ok,memandangkan tak ada orang baca blog ni..gemil post jela..

gemil baru je balik dari aktiviti karaoke dengan geng-geng dua tayar gemil..of course gomol pun ada...sebab gomol pun macam gemil...ada dua tayar...rasa sebak jugakla...ada antara kami nak pergi jauh untuk 5 bulan..ada pergi indonesia,singapore,china...gemil??praktikal dalam negara ajela...

disebabkan hari ni tadi dikira hari terakhir kami bersama(lepas ni dah tak ada kelas,final exam pun dah habis tadi)kami pun bercadang nak makan di tempat yang kami jarang makan..bincang punya bincang...hahaha...keputusannya ialah,kafeteria hospital serdang...aduyh..hahaha...ini penangan classmate kami admitted tahun dulu..sedap makanan dia,murah sangat..syok!

lepas makan kami pergi karaoke..nyanyila 1 jam..hmmm...best, lama dah tak lepak sama...

ok,next topic...UPM gempar dirusuh Pro-M...gemil memang tak pandai berpolitik..dan sememangnya kurang faham..tapi,gemil masih memandangnya dengan kaca mata yang sangat subjektif.gemil tak tau apa yang BHEP(bahagian hal ehwal pelajar) dah buat..tapi Pro-M tak sepatutnya betindak begitu. ada calon ProM yang run for MPP(majlis perwakilan pelajar) and it is a student council that means that if they win they gotta be the leaders...guess what??they won..that makes them LEADERS...akan tetapi, kenapalah mereka nak buat perangai macam orang tak berakal,gelaran disandang mahasiswa..tetapi memalukan diri sendiri...a very good leader would never do that...a very great leader would never ever think to do that.wise men approach diplomatically..not babi buta-lly..sabarla..kalau tak faham sistem pun,tanyalah dengan cara yang betul..hidup kita ada undabg-undang..sebagai rakyat kita mesti mendaulatkan undang-undang..if this is the kind of leaders that it will produce..im sure,there will be an enormous amaunt of people who wont go out for an election in the future...im just seeing things from my own point of view..which i think it is reasonable and acceptable..i dont have the guts and courage to run for MPP...i dont have that kind of interest,i like to live freely...but this kind of of incident will take my freedom away,and i cannot afford to just sit by and watch..thats my own thought...thank you.


(exhale)
emosional plak..hahaha...btw,inilah sate ikan yang saya sedang makan..selebihnya adalah bukan..hahahah

sate ikan...sedap...

kami..haish..rindu nanti

untuk gambar rusuhan tu...tak adala...share link la..senagng gemil nak rujuk balik..hahaha
http://www.facebook.com/photo.php?fbid=185564794811961&set=a.185552811479826.37271.185507871484320

The Struggling

A man found a cocoon of a butterfly. One day a
small opening appeared. He sat and watched the
butterfly for several hours as it struggled to force its
body through that little hole. Then it seemed to stop
making any progress. It appeared as if it had gotten
as far as it could, and it could go no further.

So the man decided to help the butterfly. He took
a pair of scissors and snipped off the remaining bit
of the cocoon.

The butterfly then emerged easily. But it had a
swollen body and small, shriveled wings.

The man continued to watch the butterfly because
he expected that, at any moment, the wings would
enlarge and expand to be able to support the
body, which would contract in time.

Neither happened! In fact, the butterfly spent the
rest of its life crawling around with a swollen body
and shriveled wings. It never was able to fly.

What the man, in his kindness and haste, did not
understand was that the restricting cocoon and
the struggle required for the butterfly to get
through the tiny opening were Allah's way of
forcing fluid from the body of the butterfly into
its wings so that it would be ready for flight
once it achieved its freedom from the cocoon.

Sometimes struggles are exactly what we need in
our lives. If Allah allowed us to go through our
lives without any obstacles, it would cripple us.

We would not be as strong as what we could
have been. We could never "fly"!


I asked for Strength.........
And Allah gave me Difficulties to make me strong.

I asked for Wisdom.........
And Allah gave me Problems to solve.

I asked for Prosperity.........
And Allah gave me Brain and Brawn to work.

I asked for Courage.........
And Allah gave me Danger to overcome.

I asked for Love..........
And Allah gave me Troubled people to help.

I asked for Favours.........
And Allah gave me Opportunities.

I received nothing I wanted ........
I received everything I needed




~gemil~

belang-belang

hari ni ada sukaneka di kolej...semangat sgt join coz semua rumates pun join..
when i came to think about it,this would be the final year of us being together..
i alway wonder,how would it be when they are not around me anymore..ive already lost my
girlfrens...and now i cannot to lose them...just really love them so very much...
huhuhuhu...takpe...

btw..hr ni sgt enjoy, wanted to upload some pics..but there were VERY LA SGT THE BURUK..i looked
incredibly, shockingly and unimaginably FAT...damn..hahahaha..nver mind...the joy was ours and not to mention,the belang2 kat muka sebab terbakar dek panahan matahari...all ours bebeh!!mmm...except for the prizes..hahahaha...songal...


~gemil~