Inconsiderate people are just annoying

there is this friend..We used to respect each other,
but lately he keeps boasting about himself.
it is so annoying you know, he feels like his achievement
is so bizarre that he needs to be telling the story to people.
In reality, we both live among the people who had achieved
higher, and they remained humble. But this east coast guy
has become a jerk. Can you imagine? his girlfriend has
practically become one of our classmates..however, its not
the girlfriend is the problem, its the arrogant and self
conscious guy who came from kampung(which we all do) but still
berlagak jaguh kampung..aduh...so annoying..as if he is the only
one who is the best..~puke~

dont you remember?

currently hearing and singing my heart out
yes, im asking you
dont you remember the reason you loved me before?
its words that matter
but you throw all that words to me,
i will never stay quietly still
i would always fight back
i didnt mean for what ive said
i dont know whether you meant yours
i hope not
i just want you to remember back
why did you love
coz now, it seems like you and me are getting out of love
i miss you, i miss us
but i just couldnt stand it when you throw that words to me
is this the way how you want me to be away from you?
coz if it is, i will be gladly to help you to chase me away
just like the song,
the more i try the less i know
i dont know you anymore
all i know is that i can never say anything
everything i say become thorns in your heart
should i just be quiet?
what do you want of me?
why wouldnt you tell me?
are reading this all this while?
if you do, why didnt you understand?
it is raining in and outside my heart...
i need you to speak your heart..
so that i could understand better







gemil..

EXTREMELY MAD

lately, i have been very busy.
with finals are coming up,
feels like i dont have enough hands and brain
this entry is about a girl i know in my class
she seems very kind and polite
religious and calm
very quiet and she is a petite person
but after knowing her for almost 4 years,
now i have come to the poimt where i cannot tolerate with her
her appearance is just a mask of hypocracy
shes hiding behind the layer of a true muslimah
i really hate it that way
the time i wrote this is the time after our bad bad hotel management presentation
her presentation sucked..
either she is bodoh sombong, dahla bodoh and sombong pulak tu tak nak tanya
or die sombong sangat sampai jadi bodoh
before this,on the colloquium day
unfornately i was the working committee at the section where she supposed to present
ntah dari mana datangnye, dia sakit perut on that day
the thing is, who would believe you if everytime you have a presentation you fell sick
kalau itu tanda depression pun, sema hasil keje perempuan ni macam sial..
oopppsss..memang sial....
ok fine, at the moment i asked my friend to tell her that she wont be getting any marks if shes not presenting,
kelam kabut pulak nak suruh org lain tanyakan untuk dia session presentation mana dia boleh masuk
kepala hotak ko,sebelum tuberjuta2 phone call dari kawan2 and texts ko tak reti nak reply?
we have arranged the most beautiful tentatives for the last 6 weeks
suka2 hati kau je nak masuk presentation session mana
ok, takpe
kau present jugak kan...and what had happened?
kaula presenter paling bagus dalam colloquium tu kan
sampai lecturer yeng sangat baik and bagus in the department have told her that her presentation was rubbish
aku tak ada waktu tu, coz aku present kat session and venue lain
now i know knp Dr K(bukan nama sebenar) said that yours is rubbish
memang sampah macam perangai kau yang kuat menyampai nyampai kan tuh
i know that she doesn have a father,
tapi kalau nak berbapak angkat pun tak perlulah sampai kau duduk dalam kalangan lecturer and tak campur dgn ktorg
nak berkepit je jantan bersongkok hipokrit tu?
kau nak tunjuk kau hot la yg lecturer suke kau?head over heels for you?
harap je nama baru naik haji
i am very embarrased in front of my chinese friends,
they even know that the malays are full of courtesy
when they told me about the story, and even asked me about it
i feel so embarrased
i know that i am not a good muslimah
i am just an average
at least aku elakkan pekara yang buat aku nampak buruk di pandangan mata kawan2 aku
i just hope that, one day she will brave enough to demolish her hypocracy
i respect religious people, i truly do
tapi kalau ada orang mencemarkan mcam perempuan tu buat, im sorry, i cannot hold it
tolonglah berhenti berpura-pura
even though we couldnt find out what your dishonedty is, but we sure know that you are being one of it.
tolonglah, menyampahla wey

its the convo season..yet the happiness brings me a lot more tears..
i just hope that once he reads this, he realizes that its the day
after i asked him to consider our relationship..this blog is his...
until now i dont really know quite right whether im allowed to post
as many entry here..screw that! this is just a medium for me to get
in touch with his numb heart. i am currently reconsidering....lately
the relationship gets tougher than i thought its supposed to..im too
embarrassed to tell a real story, thats why ive improvised..its not my fault
when the other him contacted me.. he has always been supportive, showing
how much the past didnt matter at all.. but him?he cant let go of the past..
i did, but he didnt..i know that ive done wrong..if only he could treat
me a lil better, this thing wont happen...hes always putting the blame on
me..and im getting fed up of that... i dont feel loved anymore..hes just very
busy not talking to me..instead of talking to me, really look at me when im beside
him, he talked to someone else..i have no problem confessing that i love him in
front of many people..in fact, ive done that..but him?he is just as numb as he used to.
even though i said im reconsidering, but deep down in my heart i still love him..
i wanted to be with him, now and in the future..i thot he knew..but i now i dont think
he do..his brain is as numb as his heart..froze to keep everything inside..letting no
one to enter including me...i have no access to his heart,but he has to mine..i just
needed him to speak up..so that i would understand..i hope i would..at least ill try..








lost gemil

A day away

Relationship..i used to hold no thoughts about
Thought it would give nothing but happiness
It was u who taught me to keep things to myself....................................................................................
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Ramadhan

Hari ni hari ke 10 Ramadhan...hehehehehe...tp dlm 10 hari tu...3 hari gemil demam..tapi tak tawla kenapa..dalam pening2 kepala...tido je laa....

so sekarang pun pening lagi..the thing is...gemil suka baca blog org lain..syok..tp blog sendiri(bukan gemil punyer pun) malas giler nak tulis..tak syok je pon blogging ni..its like a 1 way communication...hahahahaha..maybe akan berubah wajah kot...

Actually......

Actually i have so much things in my mind that i wanted to shout them out loud...its just that i choose to not to...these few weeks,it has been up and down...and so does love...for the moment when im writing this particular piece,at the very specific time...love is something that is very bothersome...it used to be something that is very exciting and interesting...somehow someway,now it has lost its very own charm and not to mention direction...i know that i am not a very good person to be with...i forgot bithdates, anniversaries and many other important things...but i have never forget the persons i love...i may seem like a person whom is full with myself...the truth is im not...im the kind that is very content when people are there around me...content when laughter echoes across the air...but now...at this very moment...being alone is like breathing a fresh air in the middle of a metropolitan..it feels very relief be around with my own thoughts and feelings...really hope that gomol will understand this...i really need to explain it to u...but everytime i do,ur emotion jumps up and down frantically without even digesting the true words that im gonna say...it bores me so much...i love my companions..no matter guys or girls..bur u dont seem to understand..ive drawn the line between friends and lovers...still,u dont seem to understand it either..it makes me sick...sick to my stomach...so sick that i need to be with my own thoughts...y cant u understand???y cant u accept??the way i see it,u cant accept me for the way i am...now im doing u a favor...i do the same thing to you...same thing how u cant accept me totally...and u blame me for all of that...it is very unfair...sometimes,i wonder is this true differences between us really compliment our relationship??sometimes its not...like now...like always..may be we need to find our own solution...i know that u may be reading this anyway..but this is better than saying it straight to your face...coz ur fragile individualistic cannot handle the aggressive mine...sorry..just sorry....







~gemil~